thanhbuutran; Wow, this is hot.
‘Fat’
I don’t know since when I started to get self conscious about my body, I was never before … This is really taking a toll on me, I don’t really know what to do. I’ve never felt this way before.
Every time I look in the mirror and I feel disgusted. I’m gross and fat? This feeling is terrible, now I know how those low self-esteem girls feel.
I don’t think as myself as hot, sexy or fit any more. I just see a pile of waste and horrific matter staring back at me. I don’t want to see that ever again.
This slowly started I think when my dad said I looked fat. He said I was fat and I should watch what I ate. One day I thought that there was a bug crawling on my body so I was trying to shake it off, but there wasn’t any bug. Instead, my dad saw my backside and laughed and said “She’s gonna look like Aunt Sieu, all fat when she gets older …” Man I took that hard, right in the heart … My aunt is FAT, that is such a bad comparison.
I look in the mirror and just feel so worthless and gross … I started crying too because I felt so disgusting, I looked paunchy and fat. I have never once looked in the mirror and cried about my image.
I’ve never had an eating problem, I generally eat very healthy with lots of veggies in my diet and I never had to hold back on fast foods and such. Instead, I would eat much more of it once in a while. I eat a lot compared to the normal teenage girl.
I always was proud of myself when I looked in the mirror, I was fit and healthy, now … I’m not too sure.
On top of all that, my agent just recently told me to look leaner than I do now. He has never told me to change my body, but now he is. Am I really that gross and fat? He told me the older I got, the more I need to keep up with this industry, and to prevent any mishaps, I needed to shed 5-10 lbs and look leaner than I do now.
I’m only 111 lbs, it goes down every once in a while when I don’t work out, but is this even healthy? He wants me to be 100lbs? I haven’t been 100 lbs ever since grade 8! I’m not complaining about the fact that I have to lose weight, because it’s very easy for me to lose weight. The real problem is how am I going to lose weight and look leaner at the same time? Muscle mass weighs a hell lot more than fat does … If I look leaner, I will gain more muscle and therefore I will weigh more, but he wants to be shed 10 lbs …
This is really stressing me out. He said he wasn’t going to put me in any shows or castings until I do what he says …
I love modelling, it’s more of a passion than the money aspect of it. Now, it doesn’t seem fun any more. I have never stressed out about modelling, I’ve had it easy, getting personal requests from companies and I have yet to be rejected by big projects. What am I supposed to do?
I’ve never been on any diets before, but I guess it will have to start sooner or later to get the ‘ideal’ body that my agent wants. I’m going to cut my portions in half or maybe only eat a third of it and take away all the fatty and junk foods. Workout twice a day and swim excessively, if this doesn’t work, I will go cry in a corner … Literally.
Modelling is a gruelling industry and I guess I have had it easy up until now, I am finally feeling the wrath and getting sucked into the numerous emotions that surround the definition of beauty.
